I'll start
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Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
The speed of light is the same for all observers.
The three phases of arcade games.
Phase 1 Attract mode
Phase 2 Go for the high score
Phase 3 Game over
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2013-09-29
i hit random because the light-speed bowling ball pun was over my head like several of these can be.
next time i will plug one of my ears and tilt it so i can catch it.
Looking for the reason?
The old motto "Quality is job one"
The new motto "That's good enough"
Young Indian boy asks his father how they get their names.
His father says! After the mother gives birth she looks out the teepee and names the child after the first thing she sees. Why do you ask two dogs!
You don’t have to study for a pregnancy test, but I’ve heard there’s a lot of cramming that goes on before it.
My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?", I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "She's just having contractions."
If you skip on line IQ tests only you will know your estimated IQ in the spoiler below.
If you skip on line IQ tests you are a genius.
I have discovered the fifth law of thermodynamics.
Law 5) Ruined it.
Here is the formula for how much time "T" it takes to ruin any endeavor we worked on for any amount of time.
C is the speed of light.
T= 0 times C squared or for short T=0C²
what two things can you never eat for breakfast?
lunch and dinner 
Ever wonder if you died and went to hell or are you the only one here.
Nobody told you.
In eighth grade literature class there wasn't just one guy chewing news paper spit wads the size of tennis balls,
there were two guys so everyone in the class could deal with it including them. Noah's Ark.
Here is another short joke, I grew up in a very windy place, windy every day, dust storms once and a while.
I decided to fly a kite and after a couple days the wind died. Isn't that funny? 
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