I'm on a quest.  A self improvement quest.  I don't like the way I am right now.

I'm going to gain some weight.

No, I'm not nuts.  I'm honestly concerned that I'm too thin.  People I don't know from Adam have started to refer to me as 'skinny'. 

I don't like it.

My husband and I were having a conversation last night about Renee Zelwegger.  I showed him a picture of her 'bulked up' for her role as Bridget Jones (like being a size 10 is really 'bulked up'!) and another of her at the Paris premiere of the new movie.  She was wearing a red strapless dress, and her clavicle, scapula and ribs were clearly visible.  I said that I thought she looked much better a bit bigger.....and my husband, bless his little heart said "well, to be honest babe, you do too.  I dunno if you've looked at yourself lately, but you don't look much different than her in that dress. You really could stand to gain a few pounds"

I was speechless.  I know I'm little, but I'm a size 5 or 6....not that little.  Skinny to me is a size 2 or 3 (been there, hated it)....not where I'm at right now.

It made me take a good hard look at myself.  He was right. I've lost breast mass...I've gone down to a B cup from my lifelong large C small D.  You can see the wings of my pelvis when I wear low rise pants.  You can see my ribs, even when my arms are down by my sides.  I used to have curves, I mean a proper hourglass shape...but that's gone. 

I don't like the way I look anymore. I don't know if I ever did like the way I look at this weight.  I like having breasts, cleavage and hips.  I like being 'all tits and ass'. Being skinny, while en vogue, really isn't all that.

So, my goal is to gain 10 lbs.  Healthily.  Not to binge on holiday junk, but to eat balanced, nutritious meals and gain slowly and surely.  Not to 'bulk up'; rather to 'fill out'.

No, I'm not nuts, crazy, insane, or any of the above.

I'm just unsatisfied with myself, and I'm going to do something about it.