dharmagrl

Join Date 02/2004

It's offical, and a small rant

Well, my husband is officially getting deployed again in March. To where, I am not at liberty to say - but the list got published yesterday and he's a squad leader and a fire team leader (Security Forces are the closest thing to infantry the Air Force has. When cops deploy, they mainly work Air Base Ground defence and flightline security - the fire teams work both).

I'm slightly pissed. For a number of reasons. Firstly, because he just got back from a year away, and here they are sending him off for another 6-9 months. Secondly, because I KNOW there are people in his squadrom who haven't deployed anywhere for years. They convieniently manage to be on profile for something, or have their spouse pregnant, or come up with some other creative way to get out of deploying. D could get out of this deployment if he really wanted to. I was going to try and have surgery before he left - he could use that as an excuse to not go. As it is, my husband is a REAL cop, one who does his duty when called upon - hence he won't play that particular card, but will do what's asked of him (again). I too will place the good of the nation before my own desires and needs and will put off the surgery until after he returns. I don't like it, but I will do it. To do anything else would be the height of selfishness.

To all those who find reasons to not deploy time after time I say: walk the walk, or get out. Every time you find a reason to NOT do your duty, someone else has to pick up your slack. Thanks to your malingering, my children are going to be without their father again. Out of a 2 year period, he will have spent approximately 6 months at home. Think about that when you hug your children at the end of the day. Think about that when you sit down for Sunday lunch together, and when you tuck them in at night. Think about the effect your reluctance to do what your country asks of you has on everyone else. Are YOU going to be there to pick up the pieces for me and mine? Are YOU going to come mow my yard because I'm physically incapable? Are YOU going to come and play football with my boys? I'm going to suppose that you will not, because after all, you have a family of your own.....just like us.

My husband, after he had told me the news this morning, told me with tears in his voice that he wouldn't blame me at all if I didn't want to be married to him anymore. To him, I say: I'm in this for life. I always have been. Just like you don't play at being a cop, I'm not playing at being your wife. Deployments or not, I love you, and I cannot imagine my life without you. 6 months apart is nothing when you consider that we have a lifetime left together. You go and do your duty, and I'll stay and do mine......and I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I love you.....ad infinitum.

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K~

Ugh....not again.

At least he's here for the holidays and such...not that that's a major condolence.

I guess I don't know what to say...all I can say is thank you. Thanks to Dave for going off into the wild blue yonder to stand up for what's right...thanks to him for being brave and leaving his awesome family. I can't imagine.

And...K...thanks to YOU, too, for being both mom and dad, for keeping up the homefront, for being brave yourself when its hard to be brave, and for sticking by your husband no matter what.

You and your family are so brave...I don't think I could do it. Thank you again.

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Enjoy the time you have together.

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I know that it's hard to be positive when you see so many evading their duties, but you will get through this. just feel free to vent to us here and get help when you need it.

And remember that it could be worse...Just remember how much you love each other, then you can get thorugh it. You will appreciate having him all the more when he is there......

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You mentioned before that you saw this coming, at least a little, but that doesn't lessen how much this truly sucks. The silver lining - and I know this doesn't comfort you much - is that with men and women like D serving, the service members and civilians they protect will be all the safer for it. Like I said, that doesn't ease the pain of the lonely nights, but it is a good thing.

My husband, after he had told me the news this morning, told me with tears in his voice that he wouldn't blame me at all if I didn't want to be married to him anymore...Deployments or not, I love you, and I cannot imagine my life without you

I would have to say that this is exactly the reason you love him so much. Not that he goes away, but that he answers the call of duty. If he can do this, despite the sacrifices you both have to make, you and he both know what a committed and devoted person he is (and you are, too, never forget that). And I don't mean to the military. I mean to what's important. I'm proud that I can call a man like him brother (in a military sense, of course) and through him, call you sister.

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Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful is the strong, brave wife of a strong, brave husband. Oh, that the world had more like you. I can imagine you are both the kind of people who though you have many more reasons to crab and complain can still wear a smile on your faces that will be an uplifting force for those around you. Thank God for your courage, your committment and for your ability to give so generously.

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EL sucko K,
I appreciate the fact that Dave is not a lazy shirker of his duties. I can relate since now it is at least 8 or 9 of 16 B-days for my oldest I have missed.

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You and your family are so brave...I don't think I could do it. Thank you again.

I put on a good show, marcie. I have a brave face, but inside I'm crying. Crying because I don't want him to go; I just got him back...crying because I don't want to be a single parent again...crying because the pain of being alone is still fresh in my mind. I'm crying because I'm being selfish and feeling sorry for myself. Pretty soon, however, I'll get over it.

Thanks for being a friend, Marcie. That means more to me than you know.

Enjoy the time you have together.

We decided this morning that we are going to try and pack as much living into the next few months as we can. We're going to create some wonderful memories to keep us going whilst he's gone....

He's a lucky man in the fact that he has you, dharma....

I dunno about that...I can be a bit of a bitch at times! I'm lucky because I have him....

know that it's hard to be positive when you see so many evading their duties, but you will get through this. just feel free to vent to us here and get help when you need it.

Thank you...and I will rant, rest assured! It just really irks me to see so many people thinking that it's okay to let other people carry them. They wouldn;t get away with it in the civilian world, so whay the hell should the military tolerate it? If I were in charge, there'd be a lot of people getting discharged.

would have to say that this is exactly the reason you love him so much. Not that he goes away, but that he answers the call of duty. If he can do this, despite the sacrifices you both have to make, you and he both know what a committed and devoted person he is (and you are, too, never forget that). And I don't mean to the military. I mean to what's important. I'm proud that I can call a man like him brother (in a military sense, of course) and through him, call you sister.

Wow....chip, this is probably the most meaningful thing you've ever said to me. I'm wiping away tears here.... You're right, of course.....and I am proud to be able to call him my husband and you, my brother.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful is the strong, brave wife of a strong, brave husband. Oh, that the world had more like you

Thank you...that was beautiful too! And not to sound conceited, but we're trying to raise our children to see the best in the bad....

I appreciate the fact that Dave is not a lazy shirker of his duties. I can relate since now it is at least 8 or 9 of 16 B-days for my oldest I have missed.

Thank, Tom. Me too. I am so proud of him it's unreal....and I have learned that birthdays and holidays can be any day you want them to be. We had Christmas in february last year!!!

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As long as their is a family to celebrate it with. That is the thing that makes it cool. And you both get to share the excitement in the kids eyes. That is the coolest part.

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He's a lucky man in the fact that he has you, dharma....

I dunno about that...I can be a bit of a bitch at times! I'm lucky because I have him....

It can be both ways.

I'm saddened to hear that it happened. I wonder about those who signed in and keep on dodging calls.

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I'm sorry to hear this, dharma. I'm with you on the service members who always manage to avoid doing their duty (which means that they are handing their burden and responsibility on to the already burdened families -- like yours). You are an amazing woman.

(Adrian has to go back, too . . . he's slated to spend a year over there on the rotation after next . . . they're saying it will be Iraq this next time

)

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Dharma--I'm so sorry to hear that Dave will be leaving again...that just sucks--there's no other word for it. Wish there was something I could do to help--so if you think of something--you know where to find me!

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As long as their is a family to celebrate it with.

Yes, that's what's giving me a little more hope this time around....d's family is 2 hrs away now. If I get stretched a bit thin I can always hit them up for a couple of hours of child care!

I'm saddened to hear that it happened. I wonder about those who signed in and keep on dodging calls.

I don't know, XX. I wish I did. Like I said, if I were in charge, there'd be some folks that would be getting the boot.

You are an amazing woman.

*blushes* awww, shucks, Tex.....I've always thought that YOU were the amazing one. Thank you, though.

I'm with you on the service members who always manage to avoid doing their duty (which means that they are handing their burden and responsibility on to the already burdened families -- like yours).

And yours. We have both been blessed with manly men husbands who take their jobs seriously....and we, I believe, take our roles as military spouses seriously too. I wish that everyone did the same.

(Adrian has to go back, too . . . he's slated to spend a year over there on the rotation after next . . . they're saying it will be Iraq this next time )

Oh Tex, I am sorry....when's his enlistment up? I know you had said that he was going to get out after he's done his time. We came awfully close to biting the 'Iraq' bullet too. There are 3 squads deploying from the squadron here, and 2 of them are going to Iraq (right close to the action too). D just got lucky and was placed on the one that's NOT going to Iraq...but that can change, and where he IS going isn't the safest place in the world either.

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Dharma and Texas, I think you wives of service men are really something, and I admire and respect you, being strong about it (for to see a love one go off to a dangerous place is not easy), accepting it and displaying such patriotism.

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I'm sorry to hear about the deployment. Know where he's going yet? (if you can say, of course)

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You are brave, K...some military wives can't handle it...destroy their marriages because of that.

It says alot about you as a person that you cry...that you're sad for a little while, but then you "suck it up" and do what you have to do as a wife and a mom...and that, my sweet, is bravery...doing what you're scared to do for someone you love. I think its so cool that you're so devoted to Dave and he to you...thick and thin, you know?

I think its even cooler that you're not "American" and you're holding down the fort. I think you're awesome, K...I look up to you!

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Shades...thanks, and yes, I do...and I will!

Raven..thank you.

SNS...I do know, and if you email me I can tell you. I just can't say here...

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Oh Tex, I am sorry....when's his enlistment up? I know you had said that he was going to get out after he's done his time.

If he doesn't get hit with stoploss, he will be out in January '07.

D just got lucky and was placed on the one that's NOT going to Iraq...but that can change, and where he IS going isn't the safest place in the world either.

I'm so glad for that, dharma.

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Dharma,

My thoughts and prayers are with you for protection and strength, for your whole family. Oh that I could be as brave, loving, and sincere as you in all the miniscule things I face in life compared to yours.

I am speechless, in awe, and undeserving of all that you and D do for our country. Thank you is all I can say.

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We decided this morning that we are going to try and pack as much living into the next few months as we can. We're going to create some wonderful memories to keep us going whilst he's gone....

I've been doing that for a long time and it's the best way to go. We end up doing a years worth of memories in just a few weeks at a time. Just make sure to talke LOTS of photos. It helps to have "Dad photos" for kids to look at while he is gone...yet again.

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