Heartbroken As Tears Run Down My Face

*tear* comming home from camp blows

from JoeUser Forums
Well, I'm finally back from FFA Camp. It was a blast! I made tons of new friends. There were so many things to do such as, swimming in the lake, motorboating, canoing, kyaking(sp?), archery, etc. There also happened to be two dances, one the first night and one on Thursday night. So much fun, big time!! I met three really cool guys. Their names were Jerry, Steven, and Josh. They were true hicks, big time! Now I'm starting to talk like them, i think. lol. They were so awesome. Well all that was great fun untill I got back today to find and email from Capt. Cornbread. Usually he doesn't email me unless somethings up. So I come to find out after reading it and Ashlee Ryder's article that him and Ashlee are dating. Lets just say that it hurts. I don't really know how to explain, but I think you all know how I much I like Brandon, as Dharma mentioned. I can't believe he's doing this. I mean, I'm happy for him, but jeez! Nothing agianst Ashlee, but does Brandon really know she is who she says she is? j/w. I mean I even thought that I'd have a better chance w/ him than some girl off the internet. My friends even said not to worry about that kind of thing, but I guess they were wrong. And you know, I was planning on asking him out myslef sometime soon, but I guess I can't now. (trust me, it took me a lot of balls to get up the courage to even ask something like that)

This isn't the Brandon I know. The Brandon I know wouldn't date over the internet. He would rather sit around and slack off all day. So why is he doing this? I can't tell you. I have no darn clue! Is all this becasue I care so much? I don't even know. I guess I should've gotten them "balls" a little sooner. I fyou read this Brandon, remember when Jessica called you and asked you if you liked anyone in the band? Well she did that for me. I was afraid to ask you out because I didn't know if you liked me or not. Jessica keeps telling me how much she thinks you like me. I tried telling her you probably don't, but you know how she is. I don't even know what I'm going to say or do come Monday's band practice. I don't even know what to say about any of this. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think. What should I think? this time I don't think my heart can tell me what to do this time. I'm afraid it's been hurt and I don't konw if it could be repaired.

I feel like I've just been shot or something. Kinda hard to explain that one though. I'm not any bit angry with Brandon. I could never be. And for that I don't have the slightest clue why. It's his choice after all, not mine. I figured one day I'd have to say most of this stuff, but not like this. I met a really nice guy at camp,such a sweeheart, who also took a liking in me. But because I like Brandon so much I kept myslef from wanting to hook up with him. Maybe that was stupid of me. Maybe I'm just stupid all together, eh?

Well I'm gonna stop letting my heart do all the talking now and just shut up.
But one thing..........

How can you love somebody that you really don't know??

Heartbroken and teary eyed,
~carebear~

Ps: Dharma, if you read this, I sent you an email.
misc
13,758 views 29 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Lets just say that it hurts. I don't really know how to explain,

I think most, if not all, of us know how you feel. There's a little sharp pain in your chest; you find it difficult to breath; difficult to think; you're not sure what to do to wipe your mind clean. It sucks, but you will recover. From what I have read, you are much too optomistic to let this finish you.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yeah, I guess that's exactly how I feel. Boy, you're really good at this stuff. lol. I'll be better by monday. Thanks CS Guy!!

~carebear~
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
OK. . . So I don't really know what to say. And I keep telling myself not to say anything at all. I'm sorry that your upset. We honestly, did not mean to hurt you. But I can't really help the way he makes me feel. I know that won't make you feel any better. I don't know what to say. . . I wish I knew the words to make this all seem ok. But I can't. All I really know at this point is, Brandon makes me laugh when I want to cry, he makes me happier. He's so. . . wonderful. I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry that this all came to you so fast. I'm not much for words tonight, but if you ever feel like discussing this with me, Brandon has my e-mail. . .

. . .Ashlee
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

Honey, Trina and I were so worried about you.  I had forgotten that you were going off to camp.  I'll go look for that email in a sec...

How can you love somebody that you really don't know??

Exactly. Whilst I believe that you can meet the person that is 'right' for you over the internet, and whilst I do believe in a limited extent to love at first sight....I still think that what they are experiencing is infatuation, not love.  Not the love between a couple, not the love that is necessary to make a relationship both work and last.

I sent you an email back.  Don't worry, I'm here for you.  We all are. 

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Brandon makes me laugh when I want to cry, he makes me happier. He's so. . . wonderful. I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry that this all came to you so fast. I'm not much for words tonight, but if you ever feel like discussing this with me, Brandon has my e-mail. . .


Yeah that's exactly why I like him. He's always making me laugh even when I feel sad, or sometimes even mad. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but it just all came as a shock to me. I mean it's the first thing i hear about when I get back. I'm not mad or anything, just confused I guess. I really can't explain the way i feel either.

How can you love somebody that you really don't know??


I'm glad you understand Dharma. I got your email and sent another.

~carebear~
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
So, what we're getting at, is that I don't love someone I say I love? I'm sorry, but Ashley is a good friend of mine, and I would never hurt her on purpose, and Ashlee is a wonderful person... I don't see why everyone can't just accept that... Of course, I'm the bad guy here because I AM the guy...

I don't get it... I think you just don't want to believe it can work dharma... could that be it?

Ashlee may be trying to be nice about it and so is everyone else, but I'm tired and I want this stuff to end... I've had to sit here and read stuff about either us being horribly stupid teenagers, or brave... I'm not sure what we are but in love... please, just let it be. If you're right, you're right, but if you're wrong, don't say I didn't tell you...

This is the nicest I can be right now because I'm too blunt to keep it pretty and I'm too tired to hold myself back. Ashlee may be disapointed in me not being nice about it, but you all told me to express my "anger"... This is it. I hope I used it correctly.

Capt. over and out!
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ashlee is a wonderful person... I don't see why everyone can't just accept that


We never said she wasn't. That's not the point.

I don't get it... I think you just don't want to believe it can work dharma... could that be it?


No, I know that's not what she's thinking. We've been talking about it, so no that's not it.

This is the nicest I can be right now because I'm too blunt to keep it pretty and I'm too tired to hold myself back. Ashlee may be disapointed in me not being nice about it, but you all told me to express my "anger"... This is it. I hope I used it correctly.


You call that anger? What a pathetic try! . That would have to be nice, sorry no anger there.

~carebear~
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Carebear - we've never spoken before but my heart went out to you when I read Brandon & Ashlee's announcement.

Personally I think they picked the worst way possible to go about this - You were at camp and you came back to find an email from your best friend the guy you liked telling you he's with someone else- it's like a plot to a teen movie
And you feel like "why did he have to go elsewhere when I'm right here and have been for ages."

Brandon & Ashlee - while I don't agree with the way you just announced it to the world without thinking about how carebear would react - I'm happy for you. As I mentioned on Ashlee's blog it seems a little bit sudden for you decide to "go out" after knowing one another just 3 days but I think most of us are forgetting what I felt like to be a teenager and "in love"

You guys will work it out and I hope this situation doesn't ruin any friendships

Carebear is you ever want to chat (to a total stranger from Oz who kinda knows how you feel and was your age 7years ago) my email is [email protected]
It's okay to be not okay with this
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know you probably don't want to talk to me about it, but if you do, I'll give you my e-mail. Even if you aren't ready, or probably never will be ready, I would love to talk to you. So, here is my e-mail. . . [email protected]

I really am sorry. I honestly didn't know about you, but Brandon didn't know that I didn't know about you. So please don't blame him. I do know how you feel though, I don't want to go into details, but I was hurt the same way a year ago. It'll pass. I really feel like I'm not being fair with this whole situation. I am sorry for hurting you, but I'm not sorry for feeling the way I do about Brandon.

Let me know if there is any way that I can make you feel better about the whole situation. I can't make any promises, but I'll try to help.
And believe me, I realize that this coming from the girlfriend of the guy you like isn't very helpful. . . .so I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me.

Ashlee
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Heartbroken and teary eyed.


CareBear~I am totally sorry that you are hurting like this. And I am glad to see you are getting some good support from other JU bloggers, etc.

I think I know both you and the Capt. pretty well (as well as is possible when it's online, huh?). And I don't think he would ever hurt you on purpose. The dude does care about you big time. He even mentioned your name in a recent comment he left me. But he did call you his "best friend". And then he mentioned his new online girlfriend! I mean, I was kinda shocked and everything. Because I didn't even find out about any of this stuff until a few minutes ago.

But dudes are kinda funny about matters of the heart. I mean, don't you remember how much I "disliked" Lisa when I first met her? And look what ended up happening! . So I think the Capt is just gonna have to figure out all this stuff for himself. The situation will resolve itself in time. I wish the dude luck~no matter what the outcome of all this is. But I honestly think there is no substitute for true friendship~and you have been so loyal and caring towards the Capt. for as long as I can remember. An online relationship cannot equal that (IMO). You and the Capt. just always seemed to "fit" together really well. I thought you both made each other happy. The mutual respect and fondness between you two has always been so obvious. So I am a little puzzled by all this.

Plus the Capt. has never been one to lose his head over anything. He puts his relationship with God before everything else. And this internet "true love" thing is not always what it seems. It is a bit too easy to fall in love with a person you have never met in person! I have been through that. But I didn't let myself believe it~thank God! And later on I found out that the people (it happened to me more than once) I thought were so totally wonderful and everything were not really a good match for me at all. That's why it's not so wise to rush into something like that, etc. Oh yeah, folks have met each other online, and ended up getting married and everything. But that is kinda rare. The normal thing is that people end up getting disappointed. Because it is way too easy to be something you are not online. Whereas in real life~it's a lot harder (if not impossible) to do that kind of thing. You gotta be real or else.

All I know to tell you is to give this a little time. The Capt. means no harm. I believe he cares about you a lot. And I hope this will not affect the totally cool friendship you both already have. I think both of you can grow from this. It doesn't have to be the end at all. This could even bring you closer together in time. We just have to wait and see where this online dating thing goes. I wish the Capt. the very best. I want the dude to be happy, etc. But I think my loyalty to you makes it all pretty obvious which girl I think is the best one for him big time. (Hint: Her name is CareBear!! .) But he will have to figure all this out for himself. I don't want to judge. But I have always sensed that you have loved him a lot, and I was kinda hoping the two of you might be able to make a go of it together. You both are such awesome people.

I am just rambling here, so I will shut up now. Just know that all the pain and discomfort you are feeling will go away a lot sooner than you might think right now. And we really don't know how this is all gonna turn out, huh? Your dreams might still all come true for you, CareBear. This does not have to be the end. And at least now the Capt knows how you really feel about him. Maybe the dude just didn't honestly know that until now? So give it some time, huh? And I think you are handling all of this with a lot of grace and class! So pat yourself on the back. And do something kinda nice for yourself (ice cream, a new pair of shoes, a really cool new cd?) to help you feel a little bit better ASAP. Because you deserve that a lot. Hang in there CareBear! Hope to chat with you again really soon!

~MadPoet

P.S. It's really good to have you back at JU again~a lot of folks missed you a lot!

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ashlee may be trying to be nice about it and so is everyone else, but I'm tired and I want this stuff to end... I've had to sit here and read stuff about either us being horribly stupid teenagers, or brave


Kiddies - if you didn't want to people to comment, you shouldn't have aired you laundry in public. Simple.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Lets just say that it hurts. I don't really know how to explain, but I think you all know how I much I like Brandon, as Dharma mentioned


You don't have to explain it, I think most, if not all, of us have been there at one point or another. Just know that it will start to feel better. You're a strong girl, and you'll get past this and get on with your life.

How can you love somebody that you really don't know??


Even though I met my husband over the internet, I would have to agree with you on this one. We talked on a daily basis, for five or six hours a day, for a YEAR before we ever met in person...and then we spent a week together in person...and THEN I told him that I loved him....and then we were a couple for another three years before we moved in together. In other words, we took it slow and easy, and really, truly got to know each other before we started throwing around such a major word as "love."

And even if they do THINK they are in love, I feel that you got shafted in this whole deal. Brandon had to know, from reading your writings on here, if nothing else, that you had feelings for him, and that this decision would have an effect on you. In my opinion, he should have had the common courtesy to discuss it with you IN PERSON before any sort of public announcements were made on JU. That, to me, was rude and insensitive, and I'm sorry it happened to you.

I think most, if not all, of us know how you feel. There's a little sharp pain in your chest; you find it difficult to breath; difficult to think; you're not sure what to do to wipe your mind clean. It sucks, but you will recover. From what I have read, you are much too optomistic to let this finish you.


Hey, that's what I said! And good description of the feeling, too!

Whilst I believe that you can meet the person that is 'right' for you over the internet, and whilst I do believe in a limited extent to love at first sight....I still think that what they are experiencing is infatuation, not love. Not the love between a couple, not the love that is necessary to make a relationship both work and last.


I agree with you 100%, Karen.

So, what we're getting at, is that I don't love someone I say I love?


No, what we're getting at is that you don't have the experience with Ashlee to KNOW if you love her yet or not......you've been talking to her for less than a week, and to be brutally honest, in an online relationship, the two of you could be telling each other anything, and it may or may not be true....so even if you think you're in love, then you're in love with the person she's telling you she is, which may or may not be her.....

I don't get it... I think you just don't want to believe it can work dharma... could that be it?


Nope....what I see is people warning you to slow down, and not jump into something so fast. We care about all three of you, and we hate to see ANY of you get hurt. So excuse the hell out of us!!

Ashlee may be trying to be nice about it and so is everyone else, but I'm tired and I want this stuff to end... I've had to sit here and read stuff about either us being horribly stupid teenagers, or brave... I'm not sure what we are but in love... please, just let it be. If you're right, you're right, but if you're wrong, don't say I didn't tell you...


If you didn't want to hear our opinions, then your personal life should never have been put out there the way it was.

Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey, that's what I said!

Yea, but I said it first!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey, that's what I said!Yea, but I said it first!


Fine! Just because I have a life outside of JU and you got here first!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Carebear,

I'm sorry to hear about everything. You're a wonderful young lady, and I enjoy your posts, and I know that "other fish in the sea" thing sounds incredibly corny right now, but I know you will find someone who lives and values you for the wonderful person you are . You're too good a person not to.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Fine! Just because I have a life outside of JU and you got here first!


sok, poet....we'll all console ourselves knowing cs is just a point whore...lol
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
we'll all console ourselves knowing cs is just a point whore


You say that like it's a bad thing.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Personally I think they picked the worst way possible to go about this - You were at camp and you came back to find an email from your best friend the guy you liked telling you he's with someone else- it's like a plot to a teen movieAnd you feel like "why did he have to go elsewhere when I'm right here and have been for ages."


Well, all along I thought he knew that I was at camp. But he told me that he forgot. So I got the email sent to me a day before I got back. Which was sent on thursday. Me and Brandon talked, and he said that if he would have remembered that I was at camp then he would've waited. He wanted my opinion on how I felt before him and Ashlee went out. Something about me making the decision or something. But thanks Trina! I'm touched by your support.

MP~ You're such a sweetheart. Thank you for all the kind words and wisdom you gave me. You're always such a help. *hugs*


Nope....what I see is people warning you to slow down, and not jump into something so fast. We care about all three of you, and we hate to see ANY of you get hurt. So excuse the hell out of us!!


I agree with you on that one Poetmom

~carebear~
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
sok, poet....we'll all console ourselves knowing cs is just a point whore...lol


.....CS....remember, I'M not the one who said that....
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Carebear just remember that if you love something set it free if it was truley yours in the first place it will come back otherwise you are destined for bigger and better things. Take care and look after your heart.

Ashlee if someone else is making you feel good then you have to look at why you cant make yourself feel the same things. Otherwise it isnt love your feeling but the dependancy on someone else to make you feel things that you cant make yourself feel. If you cant love yourself then you cant love anyone else. Love should be complimentary, unconditional.

Capt. keep smiling, you have two girls that like you, and you make them feel good which is hard to find. Take care not to break their hearts but most importantly dont break your own.


Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Capt. keep smiling, you have two girls that like you, and you make them feel good which is hard to find. Take care not to break their hearts but most importantly dont break your own.


Not to mention, two very wonderful girls that like you...I do pray you'll try and be very considerate of them and respectful (as I'm sure you will be).
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ashlee if someone else is making you feel good then you have to look at why you cant make yourself feel the same things. Otherwise it isnt love your feeling but the dependancy on someone else to make you feel things that you cant make yourself feel. If you cant love yourself then you cant love anyone else. Love should be complimentary, unconditional.


I think I wrote an article about something like this. Its not that he just makes me happy. Because I was happy before he was in my life. He just makes me feel happier, and he makes me want to be a better person. I guess that probably doesn't make sense. But that's how I feel so. . . that's really all I can say right now.

Ashlee
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Carebear just remember that if you love something set it free if it was truley yours in the first place it will come back otherwise you are destined for bigger and better things. Take care and look after your heart.


Guess we'll just have to wait and see on that one.

~carebear~
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't get it... I think you just don't want to believe it can work dharma... could that be it?


I'm not sure what we are but in love...


You guys have been together for not even a week. How can you be in love. I feel bad for you guys but I'm putting my money on one of you guys writing a blog within the next week or so saying it is over. you cant love someone you have never even seen in person. love, true love is the enjoyment of everything that a person is, their facial expressions, their mannerisms, not just a blog you read on the net. one day you guys with relize this. you guys cant be mad at people who see this as a train wreck waiting to happen. i have read carebears blog and from what i hear you picked the wrong girl capt.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
I so agree with you Missi! Thank you.

~carebear~