Diarreah of the mind

from JoeUser Forums
I can't sleep...here's what's on my mind....

I really wish that my professional life had some clarity. What should I do? I was offered the job. I need to answer Monday at 10. I shouldn't have told my boss to call me on a Saturday. I'm so spastic and stupid like that....

I really dig the new hair cut. I'm growing it out a bit for the two weddings this summer. I think I might get highlights. I haven't played with color in a while. Maybe I need to go a shade darker, and then get highlights. My hair is such a basic color. It's dark brown, but not extremely dark. The lightest of the dark browns..per se.

I hear Hardin snoring...I want to be snoring, too. Curse falling asleep at 8:30 and waking up at 2.

I really hate fake people. I don't get it....how about honesty.

I have major trust issues. I find it hard to trust anyone.

Okay...I got sick right around the turn of the new year. I was diagnosed with bronchitis. I feel pretty good these days, but twice a day I have major coughing attacks. ...like coughing attacks where I can't breathe. It's pretty bad. Sometimes it makes me hurl. I realize this might be tmi...but it's really annoying. Sometimes I wonder if it might be related to asthma. Afterall, I was a smoker. That was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life....become a smoker. Life as a non smoker has been wonderful. I just feel so much cleaner. I know no one really cares about my hygene, but I just feel 101010101 times better. ....besides this whole coughing spell thing. I can't even be around cigs anymore.

I hate the word trendy. I want to throw everything "trendy" into the ocean.

I hate poor parenting skills. I see it every day. Kids who think it's okay to walk all over you....or even worse...what some of these parents let their kids walk out of their house in. I really don't want to see an 11 year old's thong hanging out of their pants.

Why are so many women and some men so caught up with body image? I feel so inferior to the standards of beauty. Somedays I look in the mirror and love myself. Other days it's a struggle. Why am I always on a diet? Why is it that 70% of people i know are the same way? Why is it that almost every single one of my female friends and myself included have or has had an eating disorder? It's not like any of us are even close to being "fat." I really don't know what to blame it on. Sometimes I blame my family for saying how I used to be so tiny. Sometimes I blame society. But honestly, its completely my fault. I'm the one who has the power to filter the behavior. Why can't I just transcend all of this? Why can't my friends do the same?

I come across as cold and bitchy to many people. The truth is I am extremely sensitive. Infact, I am overly sensitive. i just hate for other people to see my weaknesses.

I am extrovertedly shy. Does this make sense to anyone else?

I feel like I am becoming basic. I had so many dreams, so many plans. But slowly, I am drifting away towards normalcy. I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. Is normalcy a word?

Maybe I should shut up and go watch Full House.
Peace out, scouts.

xxoo.
misc
7,270 views 6 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's better than diarrhea of the ass, right?

I really wish that my professional life had some clarity. What should I do? I was offered the job. I need to answer Monday at 10. I shouldn't have told my boss to call me on a Saturday. I'm so spastic and stupid like that....


I'm trying to prepare for losing my job. Yay. lol

I hate poor parenting skills. I see it every day. Kids who think it's okay to walk all over you....or even worse...what some of these parents let their kids walk out of their house in. I really don't want to see an 11 year old's thong hanging out of their pants.


One of my first graders came up to me this week and said "Hey! Miss M! Listen to this! 'I pledge allegiance to the flag, Michael Jackson is a fag...'" Yeah. That was fun. lol

I feel like I am becoming basic. I had so many dreams, so many plans. But slowly, I am drifting away towards normalcy. I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. Is normalcy a word?


I think it's part of growing up and finding out what REAL life is. There's bills and relationships and such, you know? You can still be 'normal' and still be YOU though. The more I drift towards 'normalcy' the more I realize that's what I really wanted all along. I don't need to be extraordinary...I just need to be me.

Take care Al...everything will work out in due time. It always does.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Marcie:
What is happening with your job? Are there cuts going on in your district??

Isn't it crazy what these children learn from their surroundings....I know you agree with me that the majority of it they pick up at home.

** think it's part of growing up and finding out what REAL life is. There's bills and relationships and such, you know? You can still be 'normal' and still be YOU though. The more I drift towards 'normalcy' the more I realize that's what I really wanted all along. I don't need to be extraordinary...I just need to be me.***

This is very true. I think I'm afraid that I kind of see my youth slipping away. I am going to be a quarter of a century this year...ahhh!! How did you make it through that one?? (you turned 25 last july, right??) People might laugh at me, but I really see no more excuses to blame things on being young and innocent. To me, 25 is a true adult. Afterall, your insurance goes down.

Thanks for your imput! And you're right...Diarreah at 5 am would have sucked!!
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ali~
No...the problem is that I just suck. Another eval...another not so good one...and I've done everything they've asked...*sighs*

This is very true. I think I'm afraid that I kind of see my youth slipping away. I am going to be a quarter of a century this year...ahhh!! How did you make it through that one?? (you turned 25 last july, right??) People might laugh at me, but I really see no more excuses to blame things on being young and innocent. To me, 25 is a true adult. Afterall, your insurance goes down.


Hmmmm...it *is* hard...but I think 30 will be harder. I think my main thing was that "oh my god I'm 25 and not married and I'm never going to have babies and he doesn't love me and...and...and." Life is a learning experience, you know? ALL of it. I'm not figuring things out till just now that some people learned at 12. I've got some things figured out that some people NEVER learn. I still plan on learning when I'm 85 and in a wheelchair and a little senile.

Just let it come. Try not to make it a big day. I was on an airplane or at the airport most of the day. We went out for supper and that was it. One day you're going to turn 25...and then 30...and then 70. And one day you're going to die. It's all part of life, you know? Just do the best you can, be good to yourself, your family, and your students, and everyone else the best you can. I'm one of those people that doesn't strive to be noticed or extraordinary. You've got that performer in you, though...so maybe yuo're like that, and that's cool. Use your gifts to make a difference...

I'm babbling...but do you see what I'm trying to say?
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Life is not a TV serial.  It has its warts and roses.  Measure yourself by who you are. not what you see others are.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Why am I always on a diet? Why is it that 70% of people i know are the same way? Why is it that almost every single one of my female friends and myself included have or has had an eating disorder? It's not like any of us are even close to being "fat." I really don't know what to blame it on. Sometimes I blame my family for saying how I used to be so tiny. Sometimes I blame society. But honestly, its completely my fault. I'm the one who has the power to filter the behavior. Why can't I just transcend all of this?

May I recommend a book that I received for Christmas. It is entitled, "Body Intelligence - Lose Weight, Keep It Off, and Feel Great About Your Body Without Dieting!". The author is Edward Abramson. I haven't finished reading it yet, but I already consider it a "must read".
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Alison, I'm just getting around to your blogs. Hmmm, apt title. did you ever make a decision about that job? Just listen to your inner self, if you know what I mean...you will know what that answer should be or should have been. Hopefully you made the right choice.

I hate fake people too. There's nothing worst than someone pretending to be genuine or pretending to be your friend. I hate having moments like that too, when I can't sleep and that's usually because I have a lot on my mind.

Body image will always be there for everyone. It's hard not to do it, it's hard to get away from because in our society that's all everyone focusses on. No wonder our children are so confused. I don't know when we'll ever be happy with ourselves really.

I know what you mean about those dreams and plans. Sometimes it's hard to keep track or to focus on them because of all we have to handle in our lives on a daily basis. Sometimes it helps to write things down, that's what I do in order to remember my plans and in order to stay focus. Hey, normalcy is not so bad and being extrovertly shy is quite understandable!