HC1240

Join Date 02/2005

The Cuddle Puddle

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The administration of Stuyvesent High School must be so proud. Their illustrious high school has made the front page of New York Magazine.

Researchers find it shocking that 11 percent of American girls between 15 and 19 claim to have same-sex encounters. Clearly they’ve never observed the social rituals of the pansexual, bi-queer, metroflexible New York teen.

Alair is wearing a tight white tank top cut off above the hem to show her midriff. Her black cargo pants graze the top of her combat boots, and her black leather belt is studded with metal chains that drape down at intervals across her hips. She has long blonde curls that at various times have been dyed green, blue, red, purple, and orange. (“A mistake,” she says. “Even if you mean to dye your hair orange, it’s still a mistake.”) Despite the fact that she’s fully clothed, she seems somehow exposed, her baby fat lingering in all the right places. Walking down the sterile, white halls of Stuyvesant High School, she creates a wave of attention. She’s not the most popular girl in school, but she is well known. “People like me,” she wrote in an instant message. “Well, most of them.”

Alair is headed for the section of the second-floor hallway where her friends gather every day during their free tenth period for the “cuddle puddle,” as she calls it. There are girls petting girls and girls petting guys and guys petting guys. She dives into the undulating heap of backpacks and blue jeans and emerges between her two best friends, Jane and Elle, whose names have been changed at their request. They are all 16, juniors at Stuyvesant. Alair slips into Jane’s lap, and Elle reclines next to them, watching, cat-eyed. All three have hooked up with each other. All three have hooked up with boys—sometimes the same boys. But it’s not that they’re gay or bisexual, not exactly. Not always.

Are you kidding me? That's some education these kids are getting.

I'm saddened by this story. I realize that cultural acceptance of alternative lifestyles and sexual promiscuity is growing, but am I the only one that sees this as being a bit over the top? I worry about these kids... I really do. Not specifically because of the homosexual aspects of this story, but because of the general impact this type of behavior has on their minds.

Teenagers who feel incomplete, inadequate and unappreciated are more likely to seek comfort in a sexual relationship... but this story goes way beyond one sexual relationship. I remember how confusing all of this was when I was an adolescent... dealing with ONE boy at a time -- I can't imagine how these kids are able to sort out anything in this situation. Imagine how this kind of situation must breed insecurities, petty jealousies... and self-esteem issues. I fear that peer pressure, and a lack of boundaries is going to lead these kids to do things they might regret later. The choices they are making now could have lasting effects... more than likely will. If not physically, then psychologically.

This whole thing strikes me as demeaning to the participants, and -- my morals aside -- damaging to them as well. Where is the administration of this school? Where are the parents? Do they not care? I realize that this involves a small percentage of the school's student body, but still... yikes. I also realize that the school caters to the arts... but still.

What do you think? Is this no different from the sexual revolution of the 60's? Or is it? Is it more damaging to our kids, or less? Do you see this as a trend (the increased sexual behavior with lack of boundaries) among schools in general, or is it limited to this particular high school? Who bears the most responsibility for creating this "anything goes" generation in regards to the sexual agenda?

Do you think these kids will look back on this time of their lives and laugh? Or will they look back and feel cheap and used? Do you think it will have lasting effects on them?

Obviously, anyone who reads me knows that this whole situation is contrary to my belief system. I believe premarital sex is wrong (although that didn't keep me from having it

), and I pray that my daughter will save herself for her husband and then enjoy the gifts of intimacy in a way that will bring her more joy than she can imagine. I hope she never looks back on her past indiscretions with regret the way I do.

But I also pray for these kids... the ones that are involved in this new "revolution". I think they'll need it.

This article is asking more about the ramifications of this behavior, and the trends being set than it is about the individual behaviors of homosexuality and premarital sex. What's your take?

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Never heard of it.

“In our school,” Elle says, “people are getting a better education, so they’re more open-minded.”

Open minded. Is that what they are calling it these days?

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Open minded. Is that what they are calling it these days?

yea, when your brain leaks out.

Actually it is a form of intellectual arrogance compounded with SPockish parents. The kids have no discipline. There was a series of books out about these kids (aimed for their age and younger as well). Seems that the parents cant be concerned with parenting, just being friends.

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Sounds like the whole idea of self esteem has given way to self gratificatio uber alles. The sad thing is, if anyone in authority does grow a backbone and do something about this, GLAAD, the ACLU and other hatemongers would have the school official burned at the PC stake.

So much for STD reduction at that school. I'd be afraid to go in there now without a full HAZMAT suit.

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Open minded. Is that what they are calling it these days?

I think I'll stick with narrow-minded if this is the alternative. If we're not careful, we'll "tolerate" our kids to death. What is it that's caused us to become so desensitized to this stuff?

yea, when your brain leaks out.

I'm gonna remember this. Thanks, doc!

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Yes... that's exactly it. Sad.

So much for STD reduction at that school. I'd be afraid to go in there now without a full HAZMAT suit.

My heart truly does break for these kids. The whole situation just... saddens me.

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Reply By: Dr. Guy

I don't think I agree with you Doc....I was raised in a home where there was very strict discipline, physical abuse called discipline
and yet I had issues ( a polite term) with my sexuality after I left home. My parents NEVER thought about or wanted to "be just
friends with me", and they were very involved in my life.
I think that kids will experiment with clothing styles and attitudes always.
I DO believe that people's permissiveness with what they will allow in their homes, and what they'll put up with in regards to
television shows, commercials, magazine ads, and not raise a fuss about it, is part of the problem. OH I better stop before I
start a rant....thank you HC

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don't think I agree with you Doc....I was raised in a home where there was very strict discipline, physical abuse called discipline

Please understand that my observation was not a blanket condemnation, nor a condemnation of anyone's sexuality. It was based upon a reading (all 7 pages) of the article, and nothing more. My statement pertained to the words and actions of this "cuddle puddle" and not to anyone else, for I do understand there are many factors that go into one's upbringing, and not all are the same.

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Reply By: Dr. Guy

Please understand that my observation was not a blanket condemnation, nor a condemnation of anyone's sexuality

I didn't take as a blanket condemnation or of anyone's sexuality doc. I was trying to say that even when kids are raised in strict homes
that that won't help kids with growth and development. That's it about more than discipline.
I will also read all 7 pages and see if I have a change of mind.

Back in the 70's when my daughter was born, Spock was "thee" doctor to follow, and when I read his book I was appalled. Yet
wouldn't have raised my daughter the way I was either.

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Spock was a total fool who taught parents how to raise spoiled, conceited and self centered brats.

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I DO believe that people's permissiveness with what they will allow in their homes, and what they'll put up with in regards to television shows, commercials, magazine ads, and not raise a fuss about it, is part of the problem. OH I better stop before I start a rant....thank you HC

I agree, trudy... overexposure, maybe? I don't know...

You're very welcome... and rant away.

I was raised in a home where there was very strict discipline, physical abuse called disciplineand yet I had issues ( a polite term) with my sexuality after I left home. My parents NEVER thought about or wanted to "be just friends with me", and they were very involved in my life.

I was raised in a strict home (no abuse, just good old fashioned "spare the rod, spoil the child" discipline), and I did end up being promiscuous, although I never experimented with same-sex encounters. I don't feel that the parenting I got had anything to do with that... it was me, testing the boundaries and finding my way. I've often said that I'm glad my parents were as strict as they were... if they hadn't been, I might have found myself pregnant at 14 or 16, instead of at age 18.

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Where are the parents? Do they not care?

i have a couple gay friends. there parents are well-aware. and in complete support. but then i hear other stories from other homosexual teens, or teens that "aren't sure", and their parents simply don't know. i'm sure if they did know what went on, even with their kids relationships with the opposite sex, they'd be mortified. There is practically no communication in so many parent-child relationships, and i think that lack of communication plays a big factor.
granted, there are some parents who don't really care.
but i think many of the parents who "don't care", in reality just don't know.
not sure whose fault this is, but it most likely depends on the situation. it is sad tho. it's very sad.

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not sure whose fault this is, but it most likely depends on the situation.

a wise assessment.

There is practically no communication in so many parent-child relationships, and i think that lack of communication plays a big factor.

So true.

but i think many of the parents who "don't care", in reality just don't know.

This is probably most accurate, eh? Very sad. I've always lived in fear of waking up one day and finding out that my kids are into something I had no idea they were even remotely thinking about. I'd like to think that I know them, but I'm not naive enough to know that they have a life outside of the walls of my house. My prayer is that they're comfortable enough (and secure enough) in their relationship with me to come and talk about issues that are important. Always.

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HC I was going to do a blog about this because it's pretty rampant at my daughter's high school too, this type of sexual promiscuity. It's not a matter of hiding sex from kids and you can't these days anyway, it's the way they think it's ok to do and they don't even think about diseases anymore.

They walk around swapping spit and it's as if they don't care where they are. She's recently told me that there are so many kids who are suddenly coming out to say they are gay or bi these days. I wonder if their parents have any clue.

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It's very sad. It must be encouraging that your daughter talks with you about it. That's a great place to start in safeguarding our kids, isn't it?

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Kids are more sexually aware, period. I wouldn't just limit it to bisexual or homosexual experimentation. We've seen proof of that here at our school-where we've had instances of preteens talking about their curiosity of sex out in the playground.

To me, it has a lot to do with what they are exposed to at home, and how much leniency they are given with what they do with their free time.

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To me, it has a lot to do with what they are exposed to at home, and how much leniency they are given with what they do with their free time.

Oh if that was only the case. Facts show otherwise.

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Hi all!

G'night

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