Those of you who know me are quite aware of my lack of crying. You're supposed to cry when your sad, correct? When you're feeling depressed or get horrible news...even when there's so much stress swirling around you in a choking cloud...a tear you may expect yes? With me that is not the case. It appears that even if I try, I can not turn on the water works.
Right now, there is so much shit going on that I can barely keep my head on straight. I've got reports and presentations, prom, people graduating...and worst of all my Grandma sits in a nursing home with dementia slowly eating away what's left of her mind....and that's the first time I've told anyone that. My family is freaking out about it...but me, I sit there and take it in....not one tear. I'm down about it, of course....but no tears. Either I have a capacity for stress or I'm just some genetic anomaly. I used to cry many years ago...but now, nothing. I'd like to think I'm so enlightened as to understand everything and be able to brush negative emotion away...but on the inside I feel as if I should cry. When I'm sad or depressed I'll feel it....but instead of tears I'll get angry, irritable, or just downright pissed. I'm not sure why...is it a blessing or a curse?
Oh well....
~Zoo
