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morethanme18266
morethanme18266
Join Date 11/2004
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I have no title...

I have no sub title.

February 20, 2005 6:39:29 AM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
So I have caused a lot of controversy…
And I have been pinned with the blame.
So I am sorry to everyone,
I am sorry for relying on you as friends.
Sorry for trusting you.
Sorry for asking for advice.
Sorry for wanting someone
To appease the empty hole in my heart…

As I have said, I have lost good friends
Made better ones.
And found an old one…


I had a friend, that when I was crying
Sat there and listened
And in the middle of the sentence said,
“Can I go now?”
Then got up and left.
I still don’t know what to even think of that.

Shall I assume that I am alone?
Because no one wants to help me anymore.
No one understands the pain I feel
I can’t breathe without hurting
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.
But when I ask for someone to only hear me,
And they walk away
It only makes me hurt worse

I have been up since 4:30 this morning
I cannot sleep.

All I want is for one person to understand,
And not get angry when I say I love him
All I want is to talk to him
I don’t care how many sleepless nights I have because of it.
I want to talk to him again.
I want to talk to him because he is my best friend
And i don't want to get angry
I want to work things out.

I hope we talk sometime during our 20 hours down to Florida.
I think if we just had some time to ourselves without any distractions,
And not be figity and get angry standing in a corner.
I felt so uncomfertable there.
I was really nervous about the people walking by.
But still, i hope we can talk...
I really want to.

He told me he doesn’t love me anymore
If it was anyone else, I would have accepted that fact and moved on.
But since it was my best friend who said it…
I can’t let go.
No matter how hard I try
I cannot let go
Because I love him
With every ounce of my being.

I thought by him saying he didn’t love me anymore
That my heart could move on
But it didn’t
It only made it starve.

I have been crying since I woke up.
I was crying going to sleep last night.
My heart will not be satisfied.
My heart will not move on.
I won’t move,
Until he sees how much I love him

If I never cared, if I never trusted him,
I wouldn’t stick around.
I would have moved on by now.
And I wish he could see that.

The easiest thing to do after a “breakup”
Is to move on, right?
Well, it’s not working
I don’t want to.
My heart is not ready,
To give up on him.


And all I want is to let me show him how to love again.
Because I still don’t know where he came up with the idea I never trusted him,
I just thought he never trusted me.

My heart shall remain an empty void until then.

Until next time,

Sam
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morethanme18266
Zoologist03
Join Date 04/2004
+52
Reply #1 February 20, 2005 10:23:02 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Sam, Sam, Sam....I just wish you would move on. You've been putting yourself through so much, and you don't need to. I can grasp what you're feeling, I understand...but you've got to realize that this probably isn't going to work. I don't want to upset you anymore, but I'm not going to lie. You've got to move on, it's in your best interests. It is tearing you up inside and causing you so much heartache. I beg you to just move on, let it be. It will be hard, but it'll be better than feeling like this.

~Zoo
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morethanme18266
wnx_decoy
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #2 February 20, 2005 3:30:20 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Do you know why I asked to go? I just know that I'm not the person to be talking to about those kinds of things. I'm most likely not the one who you would have wanted to hear from at that point. You know that I'm honest and that I would do what I can to help, but the response that you have received would not be what you would have wanted to hear. I can't remember exactly what was going through my head at the time except for, this is ridiculous. I've been thinking that from the beginning and I know that neither you, nor Alex would like to hear it from me so I never said it. I'll say it now though. I'm tired. You two aren't acting like the friends I thought you were to me. Alex has totally turned emo and seems like he can't go a whole day without getting upset about something. It hurts me to see you two like this. do you not realize that everyone around you has become affected by what is going on here?

ashley, i just hope she doesn't get mad at me for saying this, came up to sarah and just gave her a hug and started crying at the dance. when i asked people what the matter was all i got was "it's sam". ashley doesn't even feel comfortable talking to you anymore sam. Alex just wants this to end because it puts him into tears just thinking about it at times.

shaun has been THE mediator all this time, and just ask him. he's getting tired of this too. everyone's tired and scared. we are all afraid that this is only going to get worse and nobody wants that. please, just try talking to people. i hear that you have been, but i don't think it's enough.

i found myself in tears not too long ago because sarah spends so much time talking to alex and crying about it. i'm honestly mad at you because you're causing so many of my friends to cry. I can understand that it's hard for you too, but please, find a way to just let it die. nobody is against you because of you and alex breaking up. the people that find themselves madest are the people that have tried hardest to keep everything together. i don't know how to say it, but just PLEASE, stop being so selfish.

Capt. over and out!

p.s.~ if you just took that as i'm mad and you need to shut up, maybe you should read it again. i'm just saying that the way you and alex seem to be handling this to me is just not healthy at all.
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morethanme18266
Zoologist03
Join Date 04/2004
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Reply #3 February 20, 2005 3:52:23 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Brandon, thank you for telling them what needed to be said. You have a certain style for saying the facts bone bare and not sounding like a dick. You've been a great help in elaborating what I've been saying for months. Thank you.

~Zoo
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morethanme18266
carebear07
Join Date 04/2004
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Reply #4 February 20, 2005 4:43:35 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
ashley, i just hope she doesn't get mad at me for saying this,


No, I'm not mad at you for saying that.

ashley doesn't even feel comfortable talking to you anymore sam.


And that is the truth. I've tried to talk. But no, you won't listen to what I have to say. People have been telling me that you'll pound my face in if I try even the slightest to talk it out with you. So now you know why it's so hard. But now I'm to the point where I give up and I actually don't want to talk about it. Sam, you make me feel like an evil bitch 24/7. Everytime I think about this, I don't know what to feel like anymore, but I do know that I am unable to feel like myself. And now I'm the motherfucking problem to everything that went on and that happened. Sorry to say this, but YOU are the PROBLEM!! It is not my fault he broke up with you. It is something that YOU did, not ME. Damn, I sound so bitchy don't I. Oh well, you'll have that I guess! I hope you're happy with what you've done.

~carebear~
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morethanme18266
The Problem
Join Date 01/0001
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Reply #5 February 20, 2005 8:40:01 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Well, I am tired of people assuming. I am sick and tired of the people I trusted the most turning there backs on me during the time I need them the most.

Don't you think I have been TRYING to talk this out with him Brandon? I am not ignoring it and hoping it goes away, I am trying to fix it. And almost every time I do we almost always get into a fight about something someone said. You don't understand how HARD I am trying to fix this!!! I can only do so much, but then in the back of my mind.... it feels like you guys are really trying to push him away from me.

I guess I have no one to confide in…. because you guys are sick and tired of me trying to help fix the problem I started.

You know what, blame me... none of it is Alex's fault. It's all mine. It was my assuming and trusting other peoples’ word against Alex’s that tore us apart. Push me away, I really don't care. I am going to wither away into oblivion, and the saddest thing is.... I don’t even think you guys will care.

This is for everyone who was and is affected by this whole thing.... I am sorry. I say that from the bottom of my heart. Alex and I agreed that everyone we relied on and cried to was drug down with us. Well, all I have to say is you don’t need to waste your time on me anymore. If I am hurting your feelings... then ignore me. I don’t think I can hurt anyone else, so these feelings shall remain in me for now.

I am not trying to be rude or mean or anything of the sort. But, I think that this conflict needs to be discussed between Alex and me. I don’t think that everyone should be trying to help out anymore, because that seems to only make everything more difficult.

Maybe and hopefully, Alex and me can have a very serious discussion about how we are going to fix everything we've broken. It is possible, and I know we can do it.... we just need to both find it in our hearts not to argue.

I am going to post this on both of my latest articles so everyone can see…

Sam

Brian, that has to be some of the best advice I have heard. But then I feel that God may be testing Alex and I and waiting for us to resolve the problem. I don’t know… but your advice is still very comforting. Thank you.
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morethanme18266
wnx_decoy
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #6 February 20, 2005 9:47:45 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Hey Sam. You know I wouldn't have just left if I knew that my "help" would have actually been helpful. I knew that what I had to say wouldn't help and so I didn't want to say anything. You know how they say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anyting at all"? Well, that's what I've been dealing with for around 2 months now.

I know you aren't aiming to make this worse, but Alex at least talks to me some, and I know from how he's been acting lately that this has been hard.

If you don't mind me saying, I think I'd have to say that (again, i'm not trying to be rude or anything like that)you and Alex have both taken this whole thing wrong. You should look at it as a chance to grow. Maybe, the test God is putting you through isn't for you two to get back together but to grow stronger for whoever you run across next.

Capt. over and out!
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morethanme18266
wow
Join Date 01/0001
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Reply #7 February 20, 2005 11:04:45 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Major soap opra!

You people ought to start passions 2.
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morethanme18266
Zoologist03
Join Date 04/2004
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Reply #8 February 20, 2005 11:14:46 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Maybe, the test God is putting you through isn't for you two to get back together but to grow stronger for whoever you run across next


God bless you Brandon...you are a saint, my friend.

~Zoo
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