but when I start building cities (near valuable resources and shards) my nation is strewn out all over the map... Which doesn't scream "fantasy world" to me in the least...
I have to (humbily) disagree on this point. Part of our goal is to make a world that 'feels' like a traditional fantasy RPG setting. When you play an rpg, you have some considerable distance to travel between cities (even when those cities are part of the same empire). The moment you have 5 settlement crammed into a corner, that 'rpg' feeling is broken and it just feels like traditional TBS city-spam.
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I humbly disagree that when 5 settlements crammed into a corner, that 'rpg' feeling is broken. What if those villiages are just small fishing villages along the abundant coastal resources, or in an relatively crammed area that has tons of irons to mine but has minimal food to support a large city?
Large city should has its own adv & disadv. against smaller settlements. IMHO, a smaller settlement CANNOT grow into a large city no matter how much time or $ you throw into it improving infrastructure WHEN its location is not meant to support a large population. Let me use an example to illustrate what I meant here. Assume you need "Advanced Market" being built first be4 your city evolve to a high population one. And in order to build this adv market, you need to have at least 3 different types of "Local" food sources within a radius of 5.
I'll like that whether you can build a large city or not depends mainly on its location. If the random map generator gives out tons of food, I don't mind playing a game with tons of large metropolis. If the RMG gives little food this time, everyone plays with their smaller towns.
Give us variety, a possibility to build cities depending on map resources. There is nothing wrong with crammed nor sparse cities, when the underlying condition is right (& a mechanism to prevent micro-nitemare)