grins wickedly

Join Date 10/2004

I might just go ahead and give up. Good-bye.

LIFE SUCKS!

My life is sucking really hard lately.

I want to strangle people at work, I want to strangle people at home. I want to strangle myself. I am depressed. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I'm in and yet at the same time out of love. I've run out. Of love. I only care for very few things in my life. I go to school, go to work, go home, go to bed. I don't even care anymore. I want to die.

I hate living at home. My parents are fags. I hate being away from home. Everyone else is a fag too. I want to kill. I am an angry young woman. I freak out at the littlest things. I want to fricking punch someone's lights out. I have no hope for tomorrow. I have no hope for the future. I Just don't care anymore.

I pinch myself just to make sure I'm not dreaming.

My fiancee and I broke up. He accused me of cheating on him. I didn't. I never would do that to him. I loved him, I think. I just don't know anymore. I don't care about how I look. I don't care how I feel. I know that maybe, just maybe I might need help for this crap, but I don't want anyone else to know.

Fuck this all. I just want to get my razor blade and rip my arms apart. I've been craving a taste of blood. I hate myself.

I am nothing but a dumb, annoying, psycho bitch. I am an ugly, fat, no good bitch. I am constantly shaking from the rage built up inside of me. I hate my parents. I hate my co-workers (except for one). I hate my brother and sister. I hate my family.

I HATE LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Good-bye. I think I might just give up.

*grins*

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Don't you dare give up. Dying, and giving up will not change a thing. Your parents will be fags, and life will still suck for other people. Sure, you don't have to put up with it, but imagine the people that would miss you, even the ones here at JU.

If you need to talk, tell me, and I'll give you my email, or number or whatever.

Imagine all the things you'd be missing.

Twinkies, you can't eat twinkies if your dead.
The next reality show...with everything that has been turned into a "reality" show, what can be next... turning frogs into princes?
You can't see the blinding beauty of the sun, or the silver sparkle of the moon.

Life can be hard sometimes, I know, but remember all the little pleasures. A hot cup of tea, or chocolate. A good book, a good cry. A sun beam making it's way through a cloudy day. You can make it through this.

Don't give up.

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I feel like it's just too much though.

Right now I don't care about twinkies, or reality shows, or the "blinding beauty of the sun", or the silver sparkle of the moon.

I just don't care anymore.

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Grins, please hang on. Life can suck. You bet it can. But don't let go. Please.

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You don't care now, but if you keep trekking through life, you wont regret it. All the pain that you are going through right now will make you stronger. It will make you a better person. Forgive me, but fuck the people in your life that have hurt you. They will regret it, and if you can move on, you are proving to them that they can't destroy you. No one can destroy you, unless you let them. But why give them the satisfaction?

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Life sucks, yes, no argument from me on that one. But your going to die soon enough as it is, might as well save that adventure for later, thats what I say. Get what you can out of life while your living. And as trite as it may sound, so long as your alive there is hope. I am sorry your fiancee broke up with you, that isn't a pleasant experience. If you want to talk, you know how to get ahold of me...

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Cordelia

Join Date 07/2002

Hmm. Reading your blog the world seems to suddenly move in slow motion. I don't usually respond a lot, but I lurk. I read. This blog frightens me. Are you serious about wanting to commit suicide, or are you blowing off steam? I hope, hope, hope that you do not wish to kill yourself. If you do, I really really hope you ask for help from someone, anyone, everyone.

It does sound like you are going through more than just a "rough patch". You are having life-changing, life-altering experiences. Those suck. I might suggest doing something radical, such as skydiving. Nothing like plummeting to Earth at 125 miles per second to re-invigorate you. I don't recommend something radical, like taking razor blades to your wrists.

It sounds like anyone here, myself included, would be willing to chat. Take a deep breath and call us.

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

I have gone through times in life where I thought that the world was not worth it. The first time that this happened was when I was 13 and diagnosed with RA, then being told that I would be in a wheelchair by 21. That was a death sentence to me, and I just wanted to curl up and die.

I didn't, though. After awhile I realized that as long as I was breathing there was hope for something better. I also came to realize that no matter how bad I thought I had it, it was nothing compared to what other people endure.

You seem to be healthy. You have family that obviously care about you since you live with them. And, you have enough strength to be angry.

All you need to do is figure out how to channel the power of your anger into something more productive. Don't focus on the now, focus on the future and what you will make of it. And, there is no shame in seeking professional help for depression or anger management.

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grins wickedly, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Why swat a fly with a sledge hammer when a fly swatter will suffice? Everyone has problems and at times life just seems too much to bear but things will get better if you want them to get better. From what you wrote here it sounds as if you are suffering from depression which can be easily resolved with therapy and/or medication. Don't give into dispair because there is a way out of the darkness...trust me.

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GW, I think several of us on this forum are probably going through some bad times...I myself have struggled with depression on and off. It sucks and hurts, I know. You have your days when you want to Joyously sing out to the world..and you have your days when you just don't want to exist. It really sucks that we can't all have beautiful days every day. I had a sucky day today (came home tired...argued with someone...felt lonely most of the evening). I only hope that tomorrow and the day after and the day after that get better... I know it seems like things might not get better...but they will...maybe not right away, but they will. If you have no where else to turn to, Well, feel free to Vent away on JU. It is a comfort knowing that other ppl understand things you are going through, and it is a good way of getting all that emotion off your chest. Vent away!

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Hey grins,

I wrote an article which pretty much mirrors everything that you are saying a few days ago. Everything seemed so totally fucking hopeless that I was thinking 'Fucking it - why don't I just cut to the chase. I mean, it's going to happen anyway, right?' I was feeling totally black and just couldn't see my way out.

Then something strange happened.

I was feeling totally alone, living in a country that is not my home town, not having many people around me, not feeling like anyone really cares, when I received a text message. I didn't know who it was from, but it was a number from home, and all it said was 'See ya kids! I'm moving to London - be in touch when I'm set up' Turns out that one of my mates who I'd lost contact with (who has no idea how he even got my number!) is going to be living a short tube ride away from me, and all of a sudden a huge weight seems to have lifted off my shoulders. Sorry for prattling, but I think what I'm trying to say is that you never know what's around the corner. Shit things are happening now, but great things will come to you.

You need to talk to someone. Your school should have a free counselling service. Use it! That's what these people are there for. And, you know, if you don't want to go for yourself, make the counsellor at least feel worth while by giving them something meatier to deal with than the normal pregnancy/apathy/drug problems they get to touch on!

Take care. We're here if you want to talk.

Suz xxx

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