Hey all. Just wanted to say a few things.
Okay, first of all, you need to understand the reason for the sub title statement.
Life is killing me. I just don't care what people think about me anymore. I am so tired all of the time what with work and school and JU and my family and my boyfriend and everything else. The other night I found a razor blade (brand new) at work and just started to slice into my wrist. Not at the vein. I just can't take it anymore and the pain and blood is like a weird kind of drug. My parents are asking questions that I don't know the answers to. They poke and prod until I spit out an answer that is okay with them. Even though it's not necessarily true.
Such as last night my mom asked me why I like Doug the busdriver so much. I hemmed and hahed and finally the answer she accepted. He's funny. I don't like him. I lust him. He is married, I know. But he's had so many affairs that his wife knows about that I wonder if she is normal or not.
I have feelings I know are wrong, but I just can't control them. My best friend broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years (who I've had a crush on since 8th grade) and I want to call him and take him up on his offer from a year ago and have a hot and heavy make out session. I just don't want to hurt my friendship with her.
I just want an easy way out. I am usually a pretty good girl, but everything is killing me. I picked up smoking recently and it feels so good. The cutting feels good too.
That's all for now,
*grins, sighs, and thinks thoughts of razor blades and sex*
