Well, I'm finally back from FFA Camp. It was a blast! I made tons of new friends. There were so many things to do such as, swimming in the lake, motorboating, canoing, kyaking(sp?), archery, etc. There also happened to be two dances, one the first night and one on Thursday night. So much fun, big time!! I met three really cool guys. Their names were Jerry, Steven, and Josh. They were true hicks, big time! Now I'm starting to talk like them, i think. lol. They were so awesome. Well all that was great fun untill I got back today to find and email from Capt. Cornbread. Usually he doesn't email me unless somethings up. So I come to find out after reading it and Ashlee Ryder's article that him and Ashlee are dating. Lets just say that it hurts. I don't really know how to explain, but I think you all know how I much I like Brandon, as Dharma mentioned. I can't believe he's doing this. I mean, I'm happy for him, but jeez! Nothing agianst Ashlee, but does Brandon really know she is who she says she is? j/w. I mean I even thought that I'd have a better chance w/ him than some girl off the internet. My friends even said not to worry about that kind of thing, but I guess they were wrong. And you know, I was planning on asking him out myslef sometime soon, but I guess I can't now. (trust me, it took me a lot of balls to get up the courage to even ask something like that)
This isn't the Brandon I know. The Brandon I know wouldn't date over the internet. He would rather sit around and slack off all day. So why is he doing this? I can't tell you. I have no darn clue! Is all this becasue I care so much? I don't even know. I guess I should've gotten them "balls" a little sooner. I fyou read this Brandon, remember when Jessica called you and asked you if you liked anyone in the band? Well she did that for me. I was afraid to ask you out because I didn't know if you liked me or not. Jessica keeps telling me how much she thinks you like me. I tried telling her you probably don't, but you know how she is. I don't even know what I'm going to say or do come Monday's band practice. I don't even know what to say about any of this. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think. What should I think? this time I don't think my heart can tell me what to do this time. I'm afraid it's been hurt and I don't konw if it could be repaired.
I feel like I've just been shot or something. Kinda hard to explain that one though. I'm not any bit angry with Brandon. I could never be. And for that I don't have the slightest clue why. It's his choice after all, not mine. I figured one day I'd have to say most of this stuff, but not like this. I met a really nice guy at camp,such a sweeheart, who also took a liking in me. But because I like Brandon so much I kept myslef from wanting to hook up with him. Maybe that was stupid of me. Maybe I'm just stupid all together, eh?
Well I'm gonna stop letting my heart do all the talking now and just shut up.
But one thing..........
How can you love somebody that you really don't know??
Heartbroken and teary eyed,
~carebear~
Ps: Dharma, if you read this, I sent you an email.
