Anti-Smokers

Rantus Somethingorother

Hiya folks. My wife and I just got back from a little 5 day trip to Dublin, Ireland which followed a 7 day stint in London, England. And while sitting in the British Airways Lounge in the Dublin airport, a thing occurred that made me want to vent. If you're not into venting, I recommend the back button on your browser

We flew to Dublin from the London Gatwick airport, and the British airways lounge there was awesome. Most notably, for me the evil smoker, there was a closed in glass area made specifically for us villainous types to somehow ruin everyone else's lives by harming ourselves with tar and nicotine. So...I figured that all of the British Airways lounges would be this way, but not so in the Dublin airport. In order to ruin your lives by harming myself with tar and nicotine, I had to walk about a mile of passageways to get OUT of the airport. Then, of course, I had to go back through security when I was done which is always enough of a pain to...to make me want a freakin cigarette.

I have absolutely nothing against things that protect non-smokers from my filthy disgusting habit. My problem is that there is an increasing passive aggressive set of behaviors on the part of non-smoking powers that be to try and make us all stop by irritating the fuck out of us. Have some balls, people. Just gather us all into a room and shoot us, k? To add a nice little twist, why don't you shoot us while chowing down on a McFatBurger™. Or you could stop being fucking hypocrites and give us smoking bars that are labelled so you know what to expect, and a glass box in the airway lounge to smoke in. It's funny to me that I'm only free as long as I'm doing things that some unseen majority thinks are the things that I'm supposed to do. The same unseen majority, who, paraphrased in the words of the immortal George Carlin 'banned artificial sweetners because a rat died. And now they're talking about banning toy guns, but they're gonna keep the fucking real ones.'

So, I'm sure the smokers reading this know where I'm at. And for them, the lepers, the outcasts, the unclean, I offer this quote from the late comedic genius, Bill Hicks. Light up, and enjoy.

"So what else, folks? I smoke ah...(clears throat) if this bothers anyone, I recommend you looking around the world in which we live and...shutting your fucking mouth. Either that or suffer a facial burn - your choice. After all, this is America, Land of Freedom, so you have that option ahead of you. I now realize I smoke for one reason, and that is...spite. I hate you non-smokers with all of my little black fuckin' heart...you obnoxious, self-righteous, whinin' little fucks. My biggest fear if I quit smoking is that I'll become one of you. Now don't take that wrong.

"How many non-smokers do we have here tonight by round of applause? Non-smokers? (big round of applause) Few of ya. Good, cos I have something to tell ya. I do. I have something to tell you non-smokers and this is for you and you only...because I know for a fact that you don't know this. And I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times so that we can all learn, evolve...and get the fuck off this planet. Non-smokers - this is for you and you only. Ready? Non-smokers die....every day. Sleep tight. You see, I know you entertain some type of eternal life fantasy because you do not smoke cigarettes. May I be the first to pop that little fucking bubble of yours? And send you hurtling back to the truth? You're dead, too. Ah-ha ha ha ha ha! Ah! Ah! Have a good evening. Ah-ha! And you know what doctors say? 'Shit, if only you smoked - we'd have technology to help you.' It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me, man. Oxygen tent, iron lung. It's like going to Sharper Image.
...Major Rationalizations. (laughs)

"We live in such a weird culture, man. Does anyone remember this? When Yul Brynner died and came out with that commercial AFTER he was dead? 'I'm Yul Brynner and I'm dead now.' What the fuck's THIS guy sellin? I'm all ears. 'I'm Yul Brynner, and I'm dead now cos I smoked cigarettes.' OK, pretty scary. But they could have done that with anyone. They could have done it with that Jim Fixx guy, too. Remember that guy? That health nut who died while jogging? Ho, I don't remember seeing his commercial.

'I'm Jim Fixx, and I'm dead now...an' I don't know WHAT the fuck happened. I jogged every day, ate nothing but tofu, swam 500 laps every morning - I'm dead. Yul Brynner drank, smoked, and got laid every night of his life - he's dead. SHIT! Yul Brynner smokin', drinkin, girls are sittin' on his cueball noggin every night of his life. I'm runnin' around a dewy track at dawn...and we're both fuckin' dead. Yul used to pass me on his way home in the morning. Big long limousine. Two girls blowin' him. Cigarette in one hand; drink in the other. One day that life's gonna get to you, Yul'

They're both dead. Yeah, but what a healthy looking corpse you were, Jim. Look at the hamstrings on that corpse! Look at the sloppy grin on Yul's corpse! Yul Brynner lived his life. Sure, he died a 78-pound stick figure, OK. There are certain drawbacks. Oh, man."

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The previous was a transcription from a bit done at the Laff Stop in Austin, Texas.

Non-smokers die...every day. Sleep tight.

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I don't particularly care if you smoke. Do what you want. I just ask you don't smoke next to me...I can't stand the smell. Of course, I have the same opinion about overly perfumed/hairsprayed and/or unwashed people as well. I have not personal problem with smoking/non smoking sections. I think it's a great way to allow everyone to have the freedom to choose. I'm all for nonsmoking in public areas, but if a resturant has a "private" club that caters to the perpetually addicted, well, no problem there. so don't yell at me when you read the next line......

On the flip side. Why should my plane ticket cost more becuase they had to build a special area just for you? expecially when outside is free?

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Actually, we paid extra to have access to the lounge between flights. If you've never been in one, they're huge - plenty of room to throw up some glass walls with a door in them at an inconsequential added cost to every end user. I mean we're talking less than pennies because once it's constructed, it's constructed. I'd warrant that if you added 1 penny to every ticket purchased for a given airlines, they could construct a glass palace to smoke in. But you bring up an interesting point. The glass walls aren't consumable...but...read on.

Once you gain passage to these lounges, part of the ammenities is a free, completely stocked bar where people just go serve themselves beer, wine, hard liquor, etc...so I could ask the question why should I have to pay a higher price to get in this lounge if I'm not going to drink. It's a double standard that is my complaint. It's ok for people to eat the free food that's bad for them and drink the free alcohol which is potentially bad. Areas are constructed for people to set up laptops even though not everyone has a laptop. All that I and the rest of us lepers want is a tiny little colony to watch our lungs fall off in. With all the other habits they support, I wouldn't think that an unfair thing to ask considering the huge amount of money that the consumables of the lounge must cost.

So for your ticket cost, it's a fair question, but it's not applicable. Fact is, you pay for these lounges every time you fly - no matter how they are constructed, who uses them, and what is done in them. They're a part of the debit column on the ledger books of the airline. Your ticket is in the credit column. Granted, a lot of the maintenance and stocking costs come from the people that pay extra to get in and use them, but I find it a stretch to believe that some amount of the overall revenue of the airline isn't earmarked for this purpose as well. It would be an interesting thing to find out the fact on - you might have a valid complaint not just against making a smoking area that you wouldn't use, but in fact, of making an entire LOUNGE you never use - assuming you're willing to wage that legal battle to have a penny subtracted off your air fare

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On the flip side. Why should my plane ticket cost more because they had to build a special area just for you? especially when outside is free?

forget the terminal - see the plane and the hostess - "sir you cant smoke that in here - please step outside" - a la free smoking zone...

Seriously though, I used to smoke 30 odd a day and I really think smokers rights have been trampled on severely.

I cannot stand the smell of smoke now, my airways just constrict and I cannot breathe when I smell smoke, they say ex smokers are the worst moaning minnies of the lot.

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