dharmagrl

Join Date 02/2004

On the other side of the equation

I'm on the other side of the hospice equation now. I'm a family member.

My dad's dying. He's been dying for years, but in the past few months I've seen a more rapid deterioration. He's not eating well. He's sleeping more than he used to. He's confused and disoriented. He's had another small stroke.

I don't know how much time he has left. I don't know if I'm going to be able to go home when it happens....I don't even know if he'd want me to come home.

I do know that every time I talk to him, I'm going to treat it as if it were the last. I'm going to leave nothing unsaid, leave nothing to chance. I know that I'm going to tell him I love him and that I'm proud of him every chance I get.

It's a little different, being on this side of the equation. I don't like it.

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I am very sorry to hear that things have progressed in this way for your father. I understand some of the limitations on you about going back to see him or to even pay your respects, and I know it sucks.

I hope that someone can give you the comfort that you are able to give to others.

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I hope that someone can give you the comfort that you are able to give to others

Yeah, me too. I thought that I had someone, but apparently that's changed. :/

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Geez dharma...am very sorry to hear about this!

it's a real hard place to be in, and not knowing the situation with your dad and you it's impossible for me to try to say the right thing and sure don't know how I can help, we can talk though, I've lost your number however will call if you send it to me! You can call here too Karen, anytime. I've got broad shoulders and can offer mine if you wish.

prayers and love to you dharma and your dad.

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Sorry to hear about that sweety.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to go home when it happens....I don't even know if he'd want me to come home.

You've probably had a complicated relationship with your Dad, but he cant not want you to come home. You're flesh from his flesh and blood from his blood. And seeing what woman you've become I am sure he's very proud of you even if it's secretly.

=hugs= to you babz...

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So sorry to hear that you are having to go through such a difficult experience. I am also sorry that you don't have the person to support you and get you through it that you thought you had.

We love you Karen.

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I wish we could offer more than just words of encouragement. You are a great person, who gives so much more than you recieve. I hope you can get that support when it is really needed. God Bless your dad and you.

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Its so hard to see our parents decline, harder still when we cannot be there with them

Yeah, it is. VERY hard. It breaks my heart to hear him struggle to speak to me when we call each other. He forgets that he's told me things before, and it's almost like a stutter...he knows what he wants to say, but he cannot get the words out because his face doesn't move properly.

You've probably had a complicated relationship with your Dad

Yes, I have. I hated him when I was younger. It wasn't until I married and had kids that I understood that he was raising me and my brother the best way he knew how, and then...well, things changed.

We love you Karen.

See, now I'm crying again. Thank you, Dev. For saying that and for loving a broken bodied drama queen like me.

I hope you can get that support when it is really needed

Me too. Doesn't look too good right now, tho.

Dunno why you think you might not be wanted there, Karen

Dad's not one for a lot of fuss. He's not having a funeral, and he's said before that if anything happens to him he doesn't want me and mine busting our asses and bank accounts to go home for him. When I said last year that we were going to come home for a visit he got all stroppy with me and forbade me from going into debt to go and see him. He's just being a stubborn old coot, is all.

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I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, you can go see him.

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When I said last year that we were going to come home for a visit he got all stroppy with me and forbade me from going into debt to go and see him. He's just being a stubborn old coot, is all.

Just go. Don't tell him about the money or the trip. Just go. More money can always be made. Life will go on when you get back. But, you may look back in time and wonder why you didn't just go and see him one last time.

Just go.

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