dharmagrl

Join Date 02/2004

When needed.

I used to be what's known as a 'Key Spouse' for my husband's squadron. The KS is a point of contact for the spouses of deployed members...we're there to point people in the right direction should they need help, and also to keep a general eye on everyone. I had a lot of fun doing that job; I met and worked with some very cool people. In fact, the two commanders I worked for are now both Lt Col's, and one's landed himself an influential position at the Pentagon...that's tres cool for me, because I can name drop!

When we first got here, the KS program was almost non-existent. I wasn't in any situation to offer to help either - I had my hands full with working for legal, then Dave deployed, I had surgery etc etc etc. So, I took a back seat and watched.

Until 3 weeks ago. The new First Sgt sent out an email to the military members, saying he was looking for KS volunteers. I replied, he called me to talk, and things just fell into place. I had coffee with the commander's wife (who is a lot like me and who I'm starting to think very highly off because she's such a cool chick) and a couple other spouses (we're also a lot alike; I think that all successful cop's wives are that way) and we came up with some great ideas of how to work this program in our squadron.

Tonight was training night. I'm already certified, but this is a new base, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to go see and be seen. I learned some new things and I got along really well with the instructor, but....not so much the other chicks that were there. Most of them were officer's wives, and the ones that weren't were a lot younger than I. I don't know any of them, so I'm not going to talk about them, but...let's just say that we're not going to be having lunch together any time soon, if ever. We've got nothing in common, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Now, MY commander's wife, the chick who's married to the dude who runs the cop squadron - I do really well with her. She's awesome, and I'm looking forward to working with her.

So, as of tomorrow I'm back in the KS saddle. And also tomorrow, I get assigned a patient.

My coordinator called me this morning and asked me to go talk with her tomorrow afternoon. They had an influx of new patients recently, and they need me. Immediately, she said. So, I'm going to see her tomorrow, and I'm going to get my hospice volunteering underway. I'm scared.....it's not everyday you get to visit with and become attached to a person who has 6 months or less to live, and it's not an everyday occurrence to share as intimate an experience as death with someone. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that being there when someone dies is an honor.

I've been sitting around for weeks, almost waiting for something to happen. Then, in the space of a couple of days all kinds of things happen and I'm suddenly needed (other than in my own home, that is. I'm always needed here).

You know, the older I get the more I'm able to see the universe at work (I call it the universe, some people call it god, other people call it....well, whatever they call it). I can see that there's a time and a place for everything, and that if things don't happen for you...well, it just wasn't your time or your turn. I can also see how sometimes, shit just happens. There isn't any rhyme or reason to it, it just happens and you're left to deal with things. But out of that randomness comes order; the shit that happens brings about the time and the place, if that makes sense.

The time for me to help wasn't right before today. But it's right now, and I'm needed, and I'm not going to say 'no'.

I'm saying 'yes'.

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very cool "D" being needed is a wonderful feeling, go with it!

MM

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about the hospice bit. Go be your wonderful self; I'm sure it will help them.

From what you've described about the KS experience, it sounds a lot like the FRG/FSG (Family Readiness Group or Family Support Group) in the Army. The ones that are dominated by officer's wives can be... well, they often don't have an idea of what the enlisted are like. Most of the young enlisted wives have no interest in the program, either. And the husbands of female service members are often left out in the cold. ("We're having an FRG meeting... it's a free facial! *scream*!") Our unit was pretty lucky last year to have a SGT's wife as the head of our company FRG. I didn't need her help personally, but I heard she did a great job.

Good luck with everything, and God bless.

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"You know, the older I get the more I'm able to see the universe at work (I call it the universe, some people call it god, other people call it....well, whatever they call it). I can see that there's a time and a place for everything, and that if things don't happen for you...well, it just wasn't your time or your turn."

Almost everything you said in this above paragraph, and what followed it, is exactly what my older sister said to me a few years ago. She turns 66 this year and frequently talks about the Universe and how things fall into place, or they don't sometimes too.

You'll do just fine at this, you seem to be an old soul, and they'll be blessed to have you.

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Congratulations, and may all your assignments bring you as much joy and peace as you bring them.

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Ditto to what Dr. Guy said! You are going to be one busy lady. I bet your hospice friends will love to see your knitting. I think you earn the privleges you mentioned by having the heart and strength to take on the challenges.

I have so much respect for you K!

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very cool "D" being needed is a wonderful feeling, go with it!

Yes, it is. It gives me something else to do other than keep house and be in pain. The class that I'm taking is great, but it doesn't use up as much time as I'd like - and I can't make it use up any more time.

From what you've described about the KS experience, it sounds a lot like the FRG/FSG (Family Readiness Group or Family Support Group) in the Army. The ones that are dominated by officer's wives can be... well, they often don't have an idea of what the enlisted are like

The KS program is associated with the Family Support Group, so yeah, it sounds a lot the same. The officers wives are all about coffee mornings and bake sales, and that's great, but.....there are women who need more than that, and that's where I come in. At Ellsworth, I set up and ran a program for the single troops; I was the point of contact for their folks should they have any questions or problems whilst their kid was deployed. A lot of folks just want someone who is a little more in the know than they are to listen to them an their worries, so I was a sounding board for them too. It worked out well; I'm still in touch with some of the parents. One family came to visit their son and came to our house for tea - the dad was an older man and he said he just wanted to shake my hand and tell me face to face how much he appreciated what I did for them. I'm starting the the same thing for these people here at Scott; I'm going to use my weekend cell phone minutes to call parents and families this Saturday and Sunday. It's a much bigger squadron and 60% of our people are deployed, so...it's going to be quite a task!

Sometimes random happenings are really order in disguise, and sometimes shit happening brings about circumstances that were simply meant to be. We're spiritual beings having a human experience, and we're all here to learn. Sometimes that learning can be painful, incredibly so......but it's necessary. And like I said before, sometimes shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it except learn from it.

Congratulations, and may all your assignments bring you as much joy and peace as you bring them.

Thank you. If I can help one person, then I'll be happy.

You are going to be one busy lady. I bet your hospice friends will love to see your knitting

You know, I talked to the coordinator about that at the training. She said that we'd talk about my knitting a few pieces and them auctioning them off to raise some money, and also she said I could knit for my patients.....make them bedjackets or shawls and hats, little comfort items for them. I'm going to ask her about it again this afternoon!

I have so much respect for you K!

And I for you. You are an incredible person, you carry yourself with such grace and poise - and you and your husband have worked HARD to get where you are. People don't seem to realize that; that you've put in some really long hours and have given things up so's you could get to be where you are now. They seem to think that you just suddenly got all the things that you have, that it all just dropped in your lap intact and perfect. I can't tell you how much I look up to you....just know that I do.

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