Women, Help me Understand

I'm not a woman, but the subject has come up with me before.

People are wired differently. I know men who talk about nothing else, and consider it the high point in their life. I don't dislike it, but honestly I don't consider it necessary like oxygen the way some people do. I know guys that think I am wierd, and I dated girls who later accused me of being gay because I wasn't humping their leg like a dog all the time. I've had men call me a liar when I said I wouldn't cheat on my wife.

Then again there are people who ruin their lives, die needlessly of diseases, murder their spouses, etc., all because sex is so important to them. I guess it is like anything else, people react to it with great diversity, and some take it to extremes in either direction.

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I don't know why that is either, but my neighbor is like that. She is now divoced that is why I know about her feelings towards sex. Seems to me it is more than just the physical that they have a problem with. I don't know, maybe it is the intimacy or they think it is a chore.
I didn't see the other blog, but I 'll bet there are lots of other issues going on as well.

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I personally love sex. Not that I would do it with anyone but I enjoy it and feel deprived if I have to go too long without. I always told my husband how lucky he was to have me because I know tons of my friends who thought sex was a chore that they would rather not do. I do think I had a huge change in attitude about sex after living without it during six month deployments. When he got home I didn't care if I looked fat or the lights were on, it felt good and obviously I still turned him on even if I didn't have the perfect body.

I dated girls who later accused me of being gay because I wasn't humping their leg like a dog all the time

that line just cracked me up baker - how dare you resist their feminine charms. ha

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I don't know any women that don't enjoy sex, unfortunatally, a few of their husbands don't like sex, or at least, sex with them. They don't cheat (that I know of) but they rarely, or in once case literaly never, touch their wives. So my experiances are kinda backasswords. I do know that, for myself, a guy that just never seems to stop, is a turn off for me, cause I need a break from it every know and then.. an hour is a good time, less is ok, get in to the multiple hours, and I will get bored. Maybe I'm wired funny, but I was seeing a guy that would just go and go and go, and one session was several hours for him, and it was a chore. LOL, maybe it's my wireing that's wrong, or maybe we are told as teens or whatever that if you don't go hours and hours then your doing something wrong. I don't know. Hope you find your answer though

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Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Do you think it has to do with past experiences (maybe a woman who went through a traumatic labor, was a victim of a sexual crime, bad experiences with men, etc.)?

I'm no prude. I enjoy being sexual and sensual, and love that my mate finds me sexy. Simply put, sex is very pleasurable. However, I think I enjoy the affection that leads to the act even more than the act itself (if that makes any sense).

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I saw that too. It didn't surprise me; the blogger in question has some pretty 'different' ideas about the world and the way things work in general.

I just feel bad for her husband.

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I don't dislike it, but I've been single for many years now, and don't see the point in having one-night stands. A lot of single women that I know have bed-buddies, but I still can't get my head around that either.

As far as liking it goes, it all depends on the person. The more I care for 'em, the better it is.

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I am just here to see if any one can explain my first wife.

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

To those who have said basically we are just all wired differently, I tend to agree. I also understand that there are men who don't care all that much about sex either. I guess the two need to meet!

I do know it is a HUGE problem if the couple consists of one who loves sex and one who can "live without it".

If I were single, like Nicky, I wouldn't sleep around either. There are battery operated boyfriends though

And I guess I can't really say how I'd feel toward sex if I weren't with my husband. I feel we are perfect for each other so of course I enjoy it.

It is one of the issues that I know many don't agree with, but this is why I strongly believe in "test driving" before marriage. Some people have very strong hang ups about sex that they can't just get past. If one hates sex and the other loves it, it is bound to ruin the marriage. Love, trust, friendship, mutual goals and sex all have to work together in order for a couple to stay happily married.

Maybe the guy on Big Love has one wife who loves it, one who doesn't really care and one who is in between just to cover the bases

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"She told me she just doesn't enjoy sex and getting pregnant was like work. I couldn't help but tell her she must be doing something wrong!"

WOW! I wouldn't dare talk like that to my friends! tell a friend that they must be doing something wrong?!

Sometimes it's the marriage in trouble, sometimes the guy is a slob, or maybe he's abusive and she's turned off that way, maybe he's ahhh, not toooo skilled shall we say? It doesn't have to be her fault. Sometimes it's a case of a disease undiagnosed and maybe she isn't aware she's ill.

Mothering, housework, jobs, pets, neighbors, also all take their toll on a woman's libio.

Personally, I never was too tired, too sick, or anything to enjoy a romp

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Zoomba

Join Date 11/2002

+114

I think part of the problem is that there's some sort of mental block for many. There's the popular myth that women don't enjoy sex. Now, it's more an urban myth than anything else judging by *most* of the women I've met. But for some, just the idea that women don't like sex in general is enough. Then they get the idea that they won't like sex, even before they've had it. If you decide you won't like something before you even try it, chances are you won't. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Add to that the fact that some women have an overpoweringly irrational fear of pregnancy (yes, I know that even with proper BC on both parties, something can go wrong... but it's a vanishingly small %), and you basically have someone who has talked themselves out of sex, often before giving it a chance.

Humans are really good at talking themselves out of things. We can convince ourselves that we're sick so well, we actually get sick.

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

WOW! I wouldn't dare talk like that to my friends! tell a friend that they must be doing something wrong?!

You don't understand Trudy, this is my best friend since the 3rd grade. We say anything and everything to each other. I've known her husband since the 9th grade. Believe me, he isn't abusive and I know my friend well enough to know when she says she doesn't like something, it just means she doesn't like it. I was also very jovial when I said she must be doing it wrong.

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WOW! I wouldn't dare talk like that to my friends! tell a friend that they must be doing something wrong?!
Sometimes it's the marriage in trouble, sometimes the guy is a slob, or maybe he's abusive and she's turned off that way, maybe he's ahhh, not toooo skilled shall we say? It doesn't have to be her fault. Sometimes it's a case of a disease undiagnosed and maybe she isn't aware she's ill.

Just to chime in with the male perspective again, if the guy isn't that skilled, it's also entirely possible that the gal ain't tellin' him so, and isn't helpin' to provide the type of feedback that would help improve the situation.

Communication is a two way street, and as a member of the male population, I know that the females out there don't come with owners manuals and each are different and unique.

Without tellin' too many tales on myself, I know that my wife and myself have 'communication issues' (not in the bedroom, before there actually) where she feels that she doesn't get enough attention from me. Sadly, it's a defeatist attitude that doesn't get improved because it becomes too much like work at times to go through all of the woo-ing that she wants done. She doesn't try, so I don't try, bit of a vicious circle in poor communication. Such is what happens if either, or both, sides don't want to pay attention or are too busy to pay attention, or even if they do pay attention the actions that are taken don't match up with the response that is expected and desired.

Complicated creatures are we, and sadly many of us wait until it's too late to do something about a problem to ever solve the problem.

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

Complicated creatures are we, and sadly many of us wait until it's too late to do something about a problem to ever solve the problem.

Boy is that the truth!

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I've been married 19 years and we married young. Sex was high on our to do list for many years and honestly, still is. I find the older I get the better the sex gets. I'm not sure if that's just us, or if everyone has the same experience.

There was a period of time, about five years into our marriage, when I could have done without it. I didn't do without it though because I consider it my place to scratch my husband's itch whenever he has it.

He in turn is considerate, making sure we both receive pleasure from our union. And also obliging when I have an itch that needs scratched!

I think most marriages go through slumps at some point.

I expect sex at least 5 times a week. Any less and I can't concentrate because I'm thinking about it all the time!

When I was pregnant, and everything down there got bigger, my libido went through the roof. My husband would say, "Whew T, I don't know if we'll survive this pregnancy!" hehe.

Some women have hormonal malfunctions and that really does have a lot to do with sex drive. And some men after they are with a woman awhile, don't really care to take the time to warm her up. (Someone guy here wrote a blog about hating things and foreplay was on it).

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one hates sex and the other loves it, it is bound to ruin the marriage.

Marital sex, when it's good, is a small part of the relationship. When it's bad, however....it grows out of proportion and becomes a monstrosity that can wreck otherwise great relationships.

Mothering, housework, jobs, pets, neighbors, also all take their toll on a woman's libio

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex. That's what I don't understand - I mean, there are times when I don't feel like it because I'm tired of busy or whatever, but I don't HATE sex. I like it, I enjoy it - and she doesn't. Like I said, I just don't understand that.

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

Marital sex, when it's good, is a small part of the relationship. When it's bad, however....it grows out of proportion and becomes a monstrosity that can wreck otherwise great relationships.

So very true!

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex

Exactly! I think we can all relate to just simply being too tired. Stress however is a great reason for having sex. I bet sleep aid companies would be hurting if more people could just try a romp when they feel they can't fall asleep rather than popping a pill.

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You don't understand Trudy, this is my best friend since the 3rd grade. We say anything and everything to each other. I've known her husband since the 9th grade. Believe me, he isn't abusive and I know my friend well enough to know when she says she doesn't like something, it just means she doesn't like it. I was also very jovial when I said she must be doing it wrong.

Ahhhhhh,

NOW I see, ok! that's pretty cool

We're not talking about her not wanting to do it, Trudy. She simply hates the act of sex

Exactly! I think we can all relate to just simply being too
tired

well I gotta admit, I was wrong on this one! can't imagine hating sex, it's such a good part of a relationship. Other things come to mind too, however being as I don't know her, it's anyone's guess what's up with her.

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zoomba

Add to that the fact that some women have an overpoweringly irrational fear of pregnancy (yes, I know that even with proper BC on both parties, something can go wrong... but it's a vanishingly small %),

I have to agree with this 100%. I didn't realize how much the worry about pregnancy inhibited me until I had my tubes tied. It was and is such a relief to enjoy it without worrying about the pregnancy issue. Even though I used birth control I still worried until I lost the crib but kept the playpen.

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OK, Dharma edited out her derogatory comment directed at me, so I'll edit out my response to it.

Yes, that was me. I hate sex. I used to love it though. I went through a nymphomaniac stage in my mid-20's, married the guy, then *POOF* sex became less and less fun. Then my husband gained a lot of weight, and now sex is just a squishy, flabby, messy, gross thing. I did state in my blog however that sex is still an occasional treat. Sometimes I just have to overlook the squishy, flabby, messy aspects. Also I've had chronic depression since I was fifteen, and doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

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Also I've had chronic depression since I was fifteen, and doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

sorry to hear this, hope that if you need help, you'll be able or want to seek help.
I'm really sorry for any pain you have AngelaMarie

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Thanks for your kind words, Trudy (((( ))))

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

doctors tell me that depression can wreak major havoc on one's libido.

I would imagine that would have a huge influence on your libido.

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OK, Dharma edited out her derogatory comment directed at me, so I'll edit out my response to it.

I didn't edit out a darn thing.

You're a strange bird, Angela, and I don't understand you. Especially this comment:

Then my husband gained a lot of weight, and now sex is just a squishy, flabby, messy, gross thing

I simply cannot understand why you would talk about your husband that way. Dave's gained a lot of weight since we got married (close to 40 pounds)but I don't think I could ever describe having sex with him the way you described it with your husband and live with myself. It would hurt him to know that I spoke about him that way...especially about something that's supposed to be a sacred act between two people who love each other.

I don't hate you, Angela. I don't even dislike you. I just don't understand how you can get all worked up about staff sergeant sluts who you say tried to seduce him and then turn around and describe sex with him as a flabby, messy, and worse still GROSS thing.

Then again, I don't understand a lot of things that you do. I'm sorry if I offended you by saying what I did, and I'm sorry that I said some of them. I should have said them TO you, not ABOUT you...so I apologize for that. But, I'm not sorry for what I said here, and I never edited anything.

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JillUser

Join Date 11/2003

+17

I didn't edit out a darn thing.

I thought I had missed something and was confused. Neither dharma nor I named any names so you totally outed yourself. As for what you said about your husband, the only thing I could think was "I am soooo thankful my husband doesn't have that attitude about me!"

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Women, Help me Understand

Why do so many of us dislike sex?